Numb
by Nhame
Summary: Have you ever been so broken that something inside you just ceased to exist and you know it can never be the same ever again?
1. Prologue

_I've been writing chapter 4 of **Backstage Pass** when this popped into my head. I've always wanted to write some serious drama stuff. Also, genderbend._

 _I actually need a new BETA since Keira is currently out of commission for BP and maybe this one as well. PM if interested._

* * *

"I'm getting engaged."

Those three words cut through you like a knife. The pain you endured, the pain he puts you through comes back gnawing at your very being.

"Oh," Life has always been unfair to you. But right, at this very moment, life is being cruel.

"When's the wedding?" Smile, mother once said. It's a gracious way to hide your resentments. And so, you smiled, as the skin of your back prickled. It was fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of neglect. Fear of being all alone.

"Later this year. I'm working hard so I could give her the best." He smiled and the bitterness inside you swells up again. You tried to move on but whenever you feel you can finally pull away from his grasps he pulls you right back in. Like you're in his sadistic little game and can't get out.

"Good for her." You smiled. You didn't slap him like you wanted to. Or cry out. Or run away from him as far as you possibly could.

You just smiled. It's the only way and the only way you know how.

* * *

 **unBETA'd**


	2. Chapter 1

My new BETA is MIA at the moment, we haven't talked for weeks now actually. So I asked (read: pestered) Keira to proofread this one. Read and review!

* * *

The sky is unusually dark to be in the middle of summer. Naoki ran his hand through his now dyed blond hair and put on his sunglasses. Maybe it's a bad sign but he'll take his chances.

There were only a few people at the arrival area that morning, some of them are foreigners on business trips or perhaps a vacation. He waited at the luggage conveyor belt until he saw his bag. It was a regular black colored backpack with red stripes for design, inside of it were some of his clothes and his favorite snacks. He didn't plan on staying for too long and hopefully he wouldn't have to. His manager would be pissed at him but it'll definitely be worth it if things work out well.

He quickly exited the airport. Along the way, he saw a small family having a reunion. They were all huddled together with tear in their eyes. He smiled bitterly at the scene. He missed his family dearly but he miss her the most. He was young once, stupidly chasing his dreams and leaving everything behind. Leaving her was his biggest mistake and he wants to make it right. Adjusting his sunglasses, he hailed a cab and instructed the driver to the direction of the general hospital.

* * *

The hospital was still the same. As soon as he walked in the lobby, he felt the cool blast of air from the air conditioner and there was a faint smell of perfume. Gone are the days of hospitals smelling like disinfectants. It was almost lunch time so there were only a few people in the lobby. Only the staff behind the reception desk appeared busy. He drummed his fingers on the counter while humming a tune, the nurse behind the station asked him to stop because he was being a distraction. Naoki frowned but didn't say anything and quietly waited for his turn to be admitted instead.

He asked for her name and wasn't surprised when the nurse told him where her office is located. It always had been her dream to become a doctor and inherit her parents' hospital. His chest swells with pride, she finally achieved her goals. She's probably still a workaholic, she always was. Ever since he met her in high school, she was either studying or playing the piano in the music room. Naoki would pull her to eat with him at the rooftop back in high school.

He was pulled from his reverie by a certain soft melody as he continued his way down the hall. His eyes soften, such a gentle sound of a piano.

The sign on the door says: Nishikino. It was slightly ajar he decided to peek between the gaps of the door. And there she was, absorbed in her piece. Dexterous fingers danced around the black and white keys. He entered the room without being noticed and approached her slowly, hesitantly.

The music stopped and finally, finally, she opened her eyes. Gosh, he missed those amethyst colored orbs.

* * *

It was her break time and Takumi offered to bring lunch to her office. She thought of keeping herself busy but he would be upset if she touched any of her files. _Always take things in moderation_ , Takumi always said. These were the words he goes by being a recovering addict.

Hence, she decided to play the piano instead. It was a Yamaha MODUS R01 digital piano. It wasn't a grand piano like the one at the mansion but it'll do. She started playing an original piece that Takumi taught her. One of his hobbies was writing songs and it's one of the things that connected them both.

She suddenly stopped when she sensed something move behind her. It's definitely not Takumi for he's always polite to knock and he knows how much she hated being caught unawares.

"Excuse me, can I help you, Sir?" She looked at the man standing a few steps behind her. It's rare for someone to wander around and end up in her office. _A foreigner?_ She thought.

"Actually, you can!" The man smirked and took off his sunglasses. Now that she thinks about it, why was he wearing it?

However, her blood ran cold once she saw his eyes. She'll never forget those eyes.

* * *

This is not how Naoki thought their reunion would be. The moment her eyes met his, her calm demeanor turned sour. She was livid. And she started to throw whatever she could grab in her hands on him.

"Hey! Stop tha—ouch!" Small pointy metallic objects.

"Get out!" She shouted repeatedly. "Get out my office! Get out of my hospital! Get out of my life!"

It was causing a ruckus and Naoki was relieved when someone came inside the room and stopped her.

"Maki, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Naoki was relieved when objects stopped being thrown at him but he didn't like the way the stranger wrapped his arms around her. The man has a medium build and is well-dressed. His midnight blue hair was short and combed but has gone awry during the struggle. His stance and the way he handled himself bespoke confidence.

"Sir, I'm sorry but—" He stopped dead when he saw Naoki and clenched his jaw. His whole body stiffened the moment she almost slipped away to throttle the man before them. "I'm sorry but I'll have to ask you to leave."

Naoki didn't like his tone. Not one bit. "Yeah, right. Get your paws off her, who do you think you are?!"

"I'm her boyfriend." The man stood in between them as if shielding her away from Naoki. Or perhaps shielding him away from her.

"Liar!" Naoki scoffed. "Maki, can you stop this charade already? I came back all the way from LA for us to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about, and what he said is true. Takumi is my boyfriend." She said.

"Wha— Don't be like that! I'm here now, aren't I? Now lose the jock in the dress shirt so we can talk."

"You were gone for six years Naoki. You can't just come here and ruin my life all over again!" Maki gritted her teeth while digging her fingers on Takumi's shoulder unconsciously.

"Don't be such a princess. I came back and that's all that matters."

"No, we have nothing to talk about. I certainly have nothing to say to you. Now get out of my office before I call security." Her expression was full of disgust, she couldn't look Naoki in the eye.

He felt a pang of pain in his gut. This wasn't how he imagined she would look at him. "Fine, but we will have that talk." He sighed and walked out of the room.

* * *

Naoki stomped his foot in frustration. He handled the situation poorly, his persuasion skills needs some work. He even tried to memorize a script he wrote but was thrown off guard by her outright rejection.

"Looks like I'm way off schedule. I'm in so much trouble when I get back..." He walked further away from the hospital. Maybe it's because it rained while he was inside that Naoki's having some trouble finding a cab. He needed to find a place soon so he could plan how he'll be able to talk to Maki without her going crazy on him—not the good kind—and without any interruptions.

"And that guy a while ago... what was his name again? Taco?" He needed to deal with him as well but first, "Can't a guy get a cab here?!"

He was about to cross the intersection when a purple sedan turned up the corner and barely missed him. But being the clumsy guy that he is, Naoki slipped on a puddle and hit his head on the pavement.

He tried to stand up but that was a bad idea as he almost fell again if it wasn't for someone holding him up.

"Oh no, are you okay?" A gentle voice asked worriedly.

"Of course I'm not okay, I was almost hit by a car you little—" He stopped midway of his sentence when someone cupped his cheek. It was a warm and gentle feeling that reminded him of his mother. He recalled that he has to find his family, too.

"Oh no! You're bleeding," the woman gasped. She get a hold of her phone but hesitated. "No, the hospital is just around the corner. I can take you there myself, can you try to walk?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah," She guided him inside her vehicle, careful not to hit his head on the hood of the car.

Before the woman could disengage from him, he caught her wrist. "Wait, please don't take me to the hospital." He said weakly. Despite being disoriented he remembered Maki's warnings, her hurtful words. He hadn't actually thought of the weight of what he's done but he doesn't want her to see him like this.

"But you're bleeding,"

"It's just a scratch. Take me some place else." He pleaded, the hand on her wrist trembled. "Please."

His head hurts so badly. He slides a bit on his seat for a more comfortable position. The woman was deep in thought for a while before replying.

"Okay, fine"

* * *

Three stitches. The guy actually hit himself pretty hard. Nozomi was thankful Hanayo lived just a few blocks away. They had a little problem treating his wound, he did not like that needle, she had to help in restraining him.

She thanked Hanayo once again. Despite being the local pediatrician, Hanayo wasn't fazed seeing all that blood and calmly asked what happened. She even laughed telling Nozomi she was exaggerating and that there's no need for a transfusion.

She walked her to the door, Hanayo told her the do's and don'ts of sutures and that she could call at anytime if there's an emergency.

It's weird. Normally, you won't let someone you just met into your house but this is a special case. She was partly responsible for his injury. And the way he refused to be taken to the hospital as if he's avoiding it like a plague.

 _Am I that lonely?_ She quickly shook her head to clear her thoughts. When she got back, the man have this glazed look in his eyes. Just how much dose of painkillers did Hanayo gave him?

"Oh hey, it's you!" He smiled lazily, his head tilting to the side. "I just really wanted for us to talk so don't throw things at me, 'kay?"

Nozomi blinked. Did he thought that she was some else? Someone he knew? She nodded curtly, amused at the guy on her bed who was pouting petulantly.

"I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly and for so long," his tone suddenly got serious, he stopped for a moment to get something from his jacket pocket before continuing. "I just, I always feel like you were out of my league,"

"You're tall, smart, fashionable, and so rich as fuck. You're so perfect and I'm just me. I didn't deserve you back then..." It was a small red box.

"So I joined a band, we ain't so bad but I was a better guitarist and I got recruited! Can you believe that? Pfft, knowing you, probably not."

"So I took my chance, it wasn't easy at first. I missed mom, my siblings, and you. Especially you." She eyed the box cautiously as his callous finger draw circles on the small flat surface, "The way you shot down all my jokes... The hair twirling... Even your sarcasm."

"There's not a day I haven't thought of you, that's why I wrote you so many letters. I'd send you one everyday but airmail is expensive overseas. There's all these added fees and taxes..."

"What I want to say is that, you're the only one that kept me going, I strived to better myself for you so that I can proudly stand by your side..." He presented the small red box to reveal a diamond ring. She wasn't quite sure, the stone was pink and the band was silver colored, white gold? It was gorgeous and definitely expensive.

"So please, Maki, will you marry me?" Her eyes widen and her face flushed red. Despite the weird situation; a man on her bed, high on painkillers and possibly hallucinating right now, just proposed to her. His words spoke to her heart. He was being sincere and whoever this Maki is, she is truly loved by him.

"...yes," It broke her heart when he smiled widely knowing he'll regret this moment if he ever remembers it when he wakes up. Sharing such intimate words with a total stranger, being vulnerable as you are, is worse than sleeping with them.

"Thank you, and I love you," He gently grasped her left hand and slipped the ring to her ring finger. Despite it all being fake, Nozomi teared up a little.

"I love you, too..." She whispered. His eyelid grew heavy and slumber slowly took him. She stayed by his side until his breathing became deep and stable. She took off the ring and gently placed it on the bedside table.

She sighed as she closed the door. Her hand flew to the gold cross necklace around her neck and closed her fingers tightly around the pendant.

Hand trembling against the precious chaplet as the burning sensation in her chest overwhelms her.

"I love you so much." Choking back a sob, her voice pitched higher and squeaking. She finally let the hot tears fall down. Sliding back against the wall, it was the first time Nozomi cried in months.

* * *

 **BETA: Keirajoy**


End file.
